Walking on water

I am scared...

Scared of my past, scared of my present, and scared of my future...

When I think that I have buried the past, that I am resolved with my past, it comes back to haunt me again, and all over again, I have to re-bury them and come to terms with them again. It's like a repeating cycle. Over and over and over again. It comes, it subsides, it sleeps... only to come back again after a trigger. Each time they return, a part of me hurt even more... another wound to pile upon others.

Will forgiveness never come for me? Maybe some battles are not worth the fight.


Standing on a platform that is my stage, I perform my very best. I follow a script, written out by those around me. I improvise whenever I can. I morph from one character to another, at the whimsy of my emotions. I blossom, I wilt, and I spring anew. I fear I put too much into things, into people; I fear I am snuffed before I am ready. I fear of loosing those near to me. I fear if the choices I make today are the right ones.

Will serenity not be mine to claim? Despite my uncertainties, my dislikes, the show much still go on.


Looking at people surrounding me, I fear what the future holds for me. I have too many things at stake. I fear I lose the one I love. I fear that I will not live up to the expectations of family. I fear the responsibilities and difficulties of work.

Will complete surrender never be achieved? Whatever happens, I have to walk on water.


I want a clean slate to start again. I wish to sing a new song.

Just 1 more year to wait. Then my life is my own. Where will I go? Will I sink, or will I walk on water?