Her love story...

He asked for a story, but a story she cannot tell for she does not know where to begin, and she does not know how it ends.

It started slow, this love story of hers, with his sweet words and his sincerity; with looks of adoration shining in his eyes when he sees her; with the smile upon his face every time they meet.

He stole her heart and she should charge him for theft, but alas, she gave it to him to keep.

Her love story is of a man who came without notice, with the force of a hurricane, but also with the tenderness of a soft breeze. A man who seemed to be tailored according to her prayers. 

A man who said he would protect her, care for her, and love her should she be his. His is not a game and neither is hers.

Being with him, means she can have the life she have always dreamed of; being with him, means she can have the husband she have always wanted; being with him, means she can have the happiness she have always hoped for; being with him, most of all, means she can be true and grow in the religion she chose.

He may not realise it nor know it, but he is the one who can break the chains that hold her; he is the one who can let her fly unrestrained; he is the one who can allow her to laugh, cry, hope and love freely and he is the one who can help her not loose her way in her religion.

She opened her heart to him, and laid it bare, without secrets in all its innocence. With all her hopes and dreams, she have given him her heart

Her doa’s are filled with pleas to Allah to unite them. Every word of the Holy Quran that she utters, she hopes not for hasanah but instead, she hopes for Allah to hear the pleas of her longing heart.

She places so much on him and have attached so much to him. So much so, that she begins to wonder…

Should she continue to love him…?

Or should she sever ties and leave…?

To close what she has opened and to reclaim what she has given.

With all these, she is afraid. Afraid that if she loves him with everything she has, she stands to loose everything should they not be together. But she does not know if she can love any other way.

She feels so much when she is with him. So much that she cannot say, so much that she is afraid to acknowledge them. So she hides behind a smile, she hides behind a laugh, she hides behind tears, and she hides behind her silence. Once acknowledged, they cannot be buried back. They stand to either free her or chain her.

She walks on a razor’s edge and what holds her up is him. So long as their future remains unclear, she holds back. Waiting for the worse to happen but hoping for the best with every fibre in her being; waiting for him to say the words that will either save her or break her fragile heart.

Hers is a love story of innocence, immense love, hopeful dreams, fear, doubts and religion. She does not know how her story ends, and she is afraid… afraid that she has loved too much, too soon. But her heart doesn’t listen to her head; her heart loves on its own.

Is she wrong to love him? Is she wrong to hope?

She asks silently for him to forgive her for her inability to express her feelings and to forgive her for placing so much on his shoulders, but this is how much he means to her; how she hold on to him like a life line. So complicated are her feelings… she wonders if he can understand her…

Walking on water

I am scared...

Scared of my past, scared of my present, and scared of my future...

When I think that I have buried the past, that I am resolved with my past, it comes back to haunt me again, and all over again, I have to re-bury them and come to terms with them again. It's like a repeating cycle. Over and over and over again. It comes, it subsides, it sleeps... only to come back again after a trigger. Each time they return, a part of me hurt even more... another wound to pile upon others.

Will forgiveness never come for me? Maybe some battles are not worth the fight.


Standing on a platform that is my stage, I perform my very best. I follow a script, written out by those around me. I improvise whenever I can. I morph from one character to another, at the whimsy of my emotions. I blossom, I wilt, and I spring anew. I fear I put too much into things, into people; I fear I am snuffed before I am ready. I fear of loosing those near to me. I fear if the choices I make today are the right ones.

Will serenity not be mine to claim? Despite my uncertainties, my dislikes, the show much still go on.


Looking at people surrounding me, I fear what the future holds for me. I have too many things at stake. I fear I lose the one I love. I fear that I will not live up to the expectations of family. I fear the responsibilities and difficulties of work.

Will complete surrender never be achieved? Whatever happens, I have to walk on water.


I want a clean slate to start again. I wish to sing a new song.

Just 1 more year to wait. Then my life is my own. Where will I go? Will I sink, or will I walk on water? 

A letter to you, my love

Dearest Beloved,

How are you, my love? I pray that your day was a blessed one, filled with fruitful labour. If it was a difficult day, come and lie in my arms, my love. I will soothe your worries away, even if it is only for a moment. I will take your mind off your problems if only while you are with me. I will rub the tension away from your shoulders, that you may relax. Rest, my love.

Were you thinking of me? Are you wondering the same things as I do? How wonderful would it be if this letter could reach you, wherever you are.

My love, I miss you so much though we have never met. At times I long for you, for your arms to surround me and hold me tight, shielding me from the pains of this world, for as strong as I may be, I cannot brave this world alone without you near me ready to shield me when the pain is too much; to hear your heart beating strong and steady, providing a sense of calmness in its regularity; to feel the warmth and gentleness of a partner that seemed denied to me in this cold world. The soft whispers of your voice as you try to soothe my pain. Oh, how I long for your embrace, my love

My heart aches, that you are not here with me, it aches knowing that you are not here to wipe the tears away when they come, and come they shall, with heavy flows. For the solace found in a beloved arms, is denied to me while the pains of the world stand before me, armed and ready. When I write this letter, my heart is burdened. When I write this letter, I am in pain. I seek the comfort you would provide, but come up empty.

I wish you were here to hold me now, to put a bandage on my bleeding heart, to stop the longing and the search, to help heal the emotional scars. Oh my love, where are you? Do you not hear my pleas? Do you not feel my pain?

My love, I hope you find me soon, before I am lost in this world and within myself. I hope you find me soon, before I forget how to trust a man. I hope you find me soon, before I forget how to love. I hope you find me soon, while I still have love to give.

My love, I must take my leave from this dream of mine. Bounded by fate, guided by the red threads of destiny, may my love and this letter find their way to you

With love,
Your beloved

Jihad for Palestine

From the shadows, I shine;

From the ashes, I arise.

Jihad.

I will stand.

I will fight.

I will die.

Jihad...


Now, for you non-Muslim readers, please DO NOT freak out. haha... I'm sure you will misunderstand the term Jihad.

I am not calling for a Holy War. I am not a terrorist and nor do I support terrorist groups. But still, I call for Jihad.

Now, what do you all think when you hear the work Jihad being shouted out? You open the news and you see this Arab guy shouting 'JIHAD!!!!', well, actually he'll most likely be shouting 'Allahu Akhbar!!' but the idea is the same.

Jihad. That word, sad to say strikes fear in every heart of non-muslims, every heart that doesn't know the real meaning of it. You start to imagine guns being fired, rockets raining from above, bombs going off, etc when you hear the word Jihad.

Jihad in it's essential, means to struggle.

Look back at your own life, remove the idea of Islam and Muslim from the word Jihad, and you will find that YOUR own life is filled with it.

You struggled riding a bicycle for the first time. You struggled playing a Grade 6 piano piece or basketball. You struggled through countless exams. You struggled through breakups, friendships, and sibling rivalry. You struggled coming to terms with your faith.

You STRUGGLED. You did Jihad...

Yes, that is the essence of Jihad. To struggle. But to a Muslim, to ANY person with a strong sense of faith, you struggle not for yourself, but ultimately, the most rewarding struggle you will ever come face to face with, is the struggle for GOD!

If you study for exams and you do it for God, you have performed true Jihad.
If you struggle to read one page of the Quran or the Bible and you do it for God, you have performed true Jihad.
Everything that you do, which you do for God, you perform Jihad.


You struggled for God!.That's the important meaning of Jihad. It ain't the bombings, it ain't the gun fire, but to struggle. That's the innocence, and beauty of Jihad. That is why, during the Egyptian up-rising, or whatever protest muslims start, they shout Allahu Akhbar! Who can tell me what Allahu Akhbar means? It means 'Allah is the Greatest / or Allah is Great' it's an exclamation of faith. If I shout this during a demonstration, I am saying, I believe in Allah. I am here today for Allah. I struggle under the hot sun, risking the possibility of injury and imprisonment for Allah. I am saying, I am here, for Jihad!'


The final and ultimate thing you can do for God, is give your life for Him. You can choose to die for Him or in a less radical-sounding option, devote your life to Him.

In medicine, inshaAllah, I can devote my career to Him. Every life I save, every struggle I go through, every death I meet, I will try, and try, and try to remember, that I am in this for Allah.

In personal life, inshaAllah, every smile I have, every tear I cry, every emotion humanly possible to be felt, every deed I do, every regret I have, I will try, and try, and try to remember, that I am living for Allah.

This is my Jihad. This is my purpose.

I may not hold a M16, or fire a rocket, or even hear a missile strike its target, but I will do my Jihad for my brothers and sisters.

I will take a vow when I graduate. A vow to preserve life regardless of religion, race or nationality. If it is in the plans of Allah for me, I will honour this vow in Palestine. That is my Jihad, inshaAllah

If I will not serve in Palestine, then I will do my duty towards Palestine from wherever I am.

Why should I be bothered about Palestine? It is MILES away from where I sit.

It is because of religion? Yes
Is it because of community? Yes

I cannot deny, that my support for Palestine is due to Islam. Before I embraced Islam, I either did not care about the Palestine-Israel issue or see it as an Islamic propaganda against non-Muslims. Why couldn't they just share the land? Why couldn't the just assimilate into neighbouring countries?

Media is a funny thing. It shows you what it wants you to believe, not what is the truth. Media is based on the opinion of the people reporting the news. I have heard countless news of Palestinian attacks on Israel; how the Palestinians are trying to kick the Jews out of their land, etc. And sad to say, I believed all I heard. Never taking into account that maybe, just maybe what I'm watching is a one-sided story.

It took me years and embracing Islam to understand, that what I've been watching on the news all these time was complete prejudice.

To talk and discuss, to write about my opinion and the opinions of many concerning this issue will result in a long post. So I'll leave this to another day when inspiration strikes me to write again.

My Jihad is cemented. I will help Palestine in anyway I can, even if it is just a doa everyday.

Why am I so adamant on this Jihad of mine? Because my eyes are open.

As a Muslim, I cannot stand by and watch my brothers and sisters brutally killed and forcibly removed from their homes.

As a woman, I cannot tolerate women being abused and brutally raped by Israeli soldiers who drag them from their homes, raping them in front of their children and husbands, being paraded about town without a shred of clothing for any decency.

As a future wife, inshaAllah, I cannot bear to see husbands of my sisters die defending their land, their right, their heritage  and do nothing to help

As a future mother, inshaAllah, I cannot remain indifferent as innocent children, some still in their infancy, die and suffer at the hands of men who call themselves defenders of the Jews.

As a human being, the core of my origin, the form I was made into from dirt by Allah, as a PERSON blessed with a soul, a heart, and the ability to THINK, I cannot and WILL NOT stand aside as genocide is happening.

The world condemned Hitler and the Nazi's for their crime against the Jews.
The world condemned the segregation of 'Black Africans' by the 'White Africans' during the Apartheid
The world condemned Stalin for what he did to millions of Ukrainians
The world condemned Kim Jong-il for oppressing his own fellow country-men

But somehow, the world kept silent about the genocide going on in Palestine. YOU and I kept silent.

The blood of innocent men, women and children, killed in cold-blood, massacred, butchered, and the tears and sufferings of innocent people (human beings like you and I) are on OUR hands.

You and I may not have pulled the trigger of the M16, or launched a F-16 rocket, but the blood, the death, the destruction is on us. We have allowed this to go on far too long. We have fueled this war without knowing it by supporting brands which supply money to Israel.

In our silence, how many deaths have we caused? How many families have we destroyed? And how many lives will we have to account for when we meet our Creator?

Under all these causes, I have cemented my Jihad.

I will no longer keep silent and do nothing while genocide takes place. I am a Muslim, and I will go do Jihad.

I am a human being, and I must do Jihad for Palestine.

You can say it is not your fight because you are a Christian, because you are Hindu, because you are Buddist.
You can say it is not your fight because you are not Palestinian, because you are not Arab

Fine! Alright! These are your excuses. These are your reasons.

But then ask yourself, does your faith, whatever it may be, condone the killing of another human being? Do you complain when your house burns down, or if you are hungry, and someone who is not of your nationality or your race helps you? NO!

No religion on earth says yes to out-right murder. No religion on earth say yes to rape, massacre, and the killing of children. No one in their right mind can kill another human being much less an innocent, harmless child, or a pregnant woman in cold blood.

You do not care who gives you help when help in required.

So why, WHY should religion, nationality and race be a reason to turn a blind eye towards Palestine?

Ask yourself, look into the mirror, look at the person next to you, are we not all human beings?

You and I and the rest of the world are human beings. So, as humans, aren't crimes against humanity our business? Isn't THAT a good enough reason to stand up and fight?

If you do not uphold justice against crime against humanity, then you might as well not be called human. You might as well not be human.

In conclusion, yes, I will do my Jihad because I am a Muslim. But I MUST do my Jihad because I am a human being.

I end this post with a short documentary:

This is what you and I have been supporting all these while.

Imagine if they were your family instead. Imagine the children were your children, your siblings. Imagine that person injured or dead were your parents, your husband/boyfriend or yourself.

Take an initiative to understand this issue. You can wait for my post on this issue, but that will take time, or you could just open the internet, facebook. It's EVERYWHERE. Instead of watching WongFu production, or Ryan Higa on youtube... try typing Palestine documentary.