Assalamualaikum again everyone!
I know it's been a long time since I updated my blog. While I was busy with my studies and all the graduating business (yes, I have finally graduated from medical school after a long 7 years in Russia), the main reason for not writing anything was the absolute lack of inspiration. hehehehe
There was never once a lack of topic to write about, just the lack of 'taufiq' to write.
So, inspiration has struck me again and this time I really have NO excuse to ignore the inspiration. So, here goes. Bismillahir rahmanir rahim!
This post goes out to those who are in the same position as I am in. Torn between two worlds.
Now that I have graduated and no longer going back to Russia, things in respect to my religion also has changed. I am not yet home with family so I am still able to do and dress as I want.
But in 2 days, I will be flying home; the place I was born and raised and where my parents still reside.
2 worlds... one is the idealistic world of my religion, Islam, where I am free to pray anywhere, dress as commanded by Allah, read the al-Quran anytime of the day, and enter a mosque whenever I wish to. The other is of reality, where I have to consider more than myself and evaluate more the delicacy of my situation.
In my opinion, religion is a personal choice. It cannot be forced upon anyone, and it cannot be denied from anyone. Religion, while a communal entity, should be decided by the individual itself as it involves the individuals own fate.
Hence, despite being born, raised and living in a Catholic family, I have chosen Islam as my religion and my way of life. The difficulty is not living an Islamic life itself, but doing so in an environment where the resistance comes not from friends or the community surrounding you, but from your family itself.
I can always find new friends or move away should I find these two factors hostile, but I can't excommunicate myself from my own family. So what to do?
My parents do not agree with my choice due to what I like to call Islam-terrorism-malay mentality, born out of ignorance, prejudice and racial issues plaguing my country.
They associate Islam with terrorism and Malays. The association between Islam and terrorism require few explanation as this is understood by most thanks to the media. The association between Islam and Malay, for readers who aren't Malaysian, may be a little mind boggling. Here's a brief explanation:
Malaysia is a multiracial country consisting of Malays, Chinese, Indians and the local people here, whom we call Bumiputra (mostly in the state of Sabah and Sarawak). I am a Chinese from Sarawak. Although we do portray a picture of harmony and peace to those looking towards Malaysia, we are indeed still plagued by racism, most times it is subtle but at times it can be out-right plain. We are officially an Islamic country, as the people governing our country are Muslims, namely the Malays as they are the majority. While we call ourselves Malaysians, we do not have equal rights among the different races that make Malaysia so colourful and unique. The Malays have their own 'special rights' and the rest of us cannot question those rights for if we do, we will be charged with inciting racism or worse, a threat against national security. We have found our homes in Malaysia, and despite the poorly veiled racist government and mind-set, we have found ways of adaptation and mostly choose to ignore the issue unless provoked. Hence, the portrayal of peace and harmony most foreigners see. However, this racism issue has planted a seed of discontent to most things Malay in the mindset of other races, including the religion associated with them. So, when most non-Muslims think about Islam, unfortunately, they associate it with the Malays and all goes down hill from there.
My parents are no different. Though both have much exposure with Malay colleagues, it does not change the situation, for when it comes to promotion, elections, etc, racism is felt throughout. Even I struggle with that difficulty. Most of the people I associate with while studying abroad and have gotten very close to are Malays. I am mature enough to know that not everyone can be stereotyped or grouped into the general. Hence, I didn't care much about the race of my friends, so long as they are good individuals, and I am proud to say, they are. And I am even more proud to say that they are good individuals BECAUSE of their belief in their religion. But unfortunately, I cannot say the same for the rest of the Malays in my country.
Back to my point, I, as my parents have a certain level of displeasure with the rights given to Malays and this has shaped our mindset. So, my parents, like myself associate Islam with Malays. But, unlike my parents, I was given the privilege to learn about Islam and not just stop there with the Islam-Malay mentality. Islam is perfect, just Muslims are not.
The same thing applies to the Islam-terrorism mentality. Islam is associated with terrorism/terrorist acts which translates to Islam being a bad and evil religion. Islam in my country is associated with Malay racism which translates to Islam being a bad and unjust religion. This is where my parents and most of my parents generation are coming from.
So, I face difficulties and opposition from my parents, aunts and uncles. So, for those facing the same problems as I do with family members, this particular post goes out to you all.
Islam teaches us to respect our parents, as stated in the Quran:
"and the Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in term of honour" - 17:23
"and lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: 'My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy as they did bring me up when I was small" - 17:24
"and We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years, give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination" - 31:14
"but if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do" - 31:15
These are a few examples of what the Quran says about parents in Islam.
So, we should always show respect to them, treat them with honour, kindness and gentleness for they have brought us into this world and raised us up. Our mothers went through the pain of childbirth and then nursed us, showed us a mother's love and compassion. Our fathers have worked hard to provide for the family, provided us with a comfortable life the best they could, and given us an education that was not possible for themselves. The sacrifices our parents have made are uncountable and immeasurable and above all else, a debt that cannot be paid full.
In an ideal world, your parents will support you in everything you do even if they do not necessarily agree with you. But unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with such ideal conditions. Some have been disowned by their parents for choosing Islam, if not worse. My situation is not as dire. I know my parents still love me without a doubt, and they would not disown me, but my mother is on a determined path to bring me back to the Catholic faith. I am not angry nor do I love her less because of it because I understand her reaction and because Islam teaches me to be a good daughter towards them.
So, the painful choice I have to make is that I have to pray in secret (though I'm sure they'll figure it out) and of course, I cannot wear the hijab or fully cover my aurat. I shall eat whatever my mother has placed on the table as not to offend her and obey her. If and when she orders me to attend mass, I will. I will talk to priests and do anything she asks of me except one, that is to worship another God besides Allah.
Duty to your parents comes right after the greatest duty in Islam, the solah as demonstrated in these hadith:
A companion of the Prophet once asked him which of the many good deeds a man can do is the most lived by Allah. Prophet Muhammad answered him by saying, "To offer the prayer in its proper time". The companion then asked, "And what is next?" to which Prophet Muhammad replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." The companion then asked, "Then what?" and Prophet Muhammad replied, "The jihad in the Way of Allah."
Anas ibn Malik: A man came to the Messenger of Allah and said: "I longed to go on jihad but I was not able to." He said, "Is either one of your parents still alive?" The man said, "My mother." He said, "Allah has instructed us in devotion to her, so if you do thus, you are as one who has made the hajj, the umrah and participated in jihad."
Abdullah ibn Umar, a leading scholar among the Prophet's (PBUH) companions once saw a man from Yemen carrying his mother on his back and going around the Ka'bah in his tawaf. Rather than show any sign of complaint, the man way happy, repeating a line of poetry in which he likened himself to a camel his mother was mounting. The only difference is that a camel may be scared by something and go out of control. He would never go out of her control. He looked at Abdullah ibn Umar and asked him whether by so doing he discharged his debt to his mother. Ibn Umar said,"No. You have not even paid back one twinge of her labour pain when she gave birth to you."
One person carried his mother on his shoulders and performed Hajj seven times. During the 7th Hajj he though that maybe he have fulfilled his duty and fulfilled the right of his mother. That night when he slept, he had a dream and saw that he was a baby and was sleeping. It was winter and he was sleeping close to his mother. He soiled the bed and saw that his mother got up and cleaned the bed of the impurities. Due to poverty, that was the bed only thing that they had to sleep on. He saw that on this cold night, his mother slept on the wet part of the bed and laid him down on her chest. He heard a voice saying,"Fulfilled your rights? You have not fulfilled the rights of this one night yet."
One person came to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and said, "Whilst travelling these was a place where the ground was so hot that if you placed a piece of meat on the ground, it could be cooked. I carried my mother on my shoulders for six miles over such ground. Have I fulfilled the rights of my mother?" Prophet Muhammand (PBUH) replied, "The pangs of pain that your mother went through when she was giving birth to you, maybe you have repaid the debt for once of those pangs."
I will do what I have to do in order to soften my parents' hearts, to show them that although I have chosen a different belief for myself, I have not denied them as my parents.
I understand when my sister pointed out that my mother might feel as though she has failed at being a mother, as her youngest daughter has chosen a different faith. In terms of the Catholic faith, it would seem she has failed in her promise to raise her children well in the Catholic faith, but she has two children devoted to the Catholic faith, and she has three children all pursuing respectable jobs; one has already completed her PhD, another has completed his masters degree, and the last has finally graduated from medical school. All her children are doing well, and all because of her and our father.
Parents always feel like they have made a mistake somewhere when their children make a decision they think is 'wrong'. Sometimes, things just happens because they were meant to happen.
It would take time for her to realise that she has failed no one, even Jesus Christ whom we all believe. Christianity does not force its religion onto others. So, in this aspect, she has not failed. I was taught well in the Catholic faith, nothing was lacking in this part of my education, but I just could not understand the fundamental basis of Christianity; the trinity, not due to lack of explanation; it just didn't sit well with me.
So, while I have a mandatory 2 years of government service in order to attain my medical licence, I have done as she asked; that is to apply for work close to home (I suspect it is so she can keep a close eye on me and keep me away from the influence of my Muslim friends... hehehe). What I can avoid, I will avoid when I can, what I cannot, I will try my best. Outwardly, I would not be a Muslim, but inwardly and in the privacy of my room, my shahadah will still hold firm.
Some will probably say I am a bad Muslim, that I do not practice the religion I claim I believe. Be that as it may, Allah is the one who will judge me and only Allah and I know what I believe in my heart.
Some say that I should stand my ground, be Muslim outwardly all the way, regardless, but this in my opinion will do more harm than good. The purpose of this test is not to aggravate the situation and push my family further away. The way I see it, the purpose is to win over the hearts of my parents and not bully them into submission. Kind and gentle ways are more effective than aggression or brash actions.
But life does move on, and I do realise that I cannot just postpone my life till my parents accept my new faith. So, I have given myself a time-limit. For the duration of my housemanship (inshaAllah it will be 2 years and not extended longer), I will be the obedient daughter. After that duration of time, then I will have to take matters into my own hands. My life is my own to make, and I have my own plans for life. So, I will finally insist on living life my own way, whether they accept it or not, but of course I will still be a daughter to them. I will still be as Islam requires me to be with my parents; kind and gentle and a good daughter, but also one firm in her decision in life.
Whatever happens, at least I can say that I've tried to convince them for 2 years. It is their decision to accept or oppose my decision, and that is something I cannot force.
We, as Muslims can always preach Islam and plant the seed, but it is only Allah who can move the heart for the seed to grow.
So, for those in the same boat as I am, all we can do is try our best to help our parents understand Islam, show them kindness, gentleness and treat them with honour, pray, and leave everything to Allah. Everything is already written out... as we have to believe in the 6th pillar of iman; belief in al-Qadar (divine predestination), which is the hardest of the 6 pillars of Iman.
p/s: belief in al-Qadar includes 4 things:
1) Allah knows everything. He knows what has happened and what will happen
2) Allah has recorded all that has happened and all that will happen
3) whatever Allah wills to happen happens, and whatever He wills not to happen does not happen
4) Allah is the Creator of everything
I know it's been a long time since I updated my blog. While I was busy with my studies and all the graduating business (yes, I have finally graduated from medical school after a long 7 years in Russia), the main reason for not writing anything was the absolute lack of inspiration. hehehehe
There was never once a lack of topic to write about, just the lack of 'taufiq' to write.
So, inspiration has struck me again and this time I really have NO excuse to ignore the inspiration. So, here goes. Bismillahir rahmanir rahim!
This post goes out to those who are in the same position as I am in. Torn between two worlds.Now that I have graduated and no longer going back to Russia, things in respect to my religion also has changed. I am not yet home with family so I am still able to do and dress as I want.
But in 2 days, I will be flying home; the place I was born and raised and where my parents still reside.
2 worlds... one is the idealistic world of my religion, Islam, where I am free to pray anywhere, dress as commanded by Allah, read the al-Quran anytime of the day, and enter a mosque whenever I wish to. The other is of reality, where I have to consider more than myself and evaluate more the delicacy of my situation.
In my opinion, religion is a personal choice. It cannot be forced upon anyone, and it cannot be denied from anyone. Religion, while a communal entity, should be decided by the individual itself as it involves the individuals own fate.
Hence, despite being born, raised and living in a Catholic family, I have chosen Islam as my religion and my way of life. The difficulty is not living an Islamic life itself, but doing so in an environment where the resistance comes not from friends or the community surrounding you, but from your family itself.
I can always find new friends or move away should I find these two factors hostile, but I can't excommunicate myself from my own family. So what to do?
My parents do not agree with my choice due to what I like to call Islam-terrorism-malay mentality, born out of ignorance, prejudice and racial issues plaguing my country.
They associate Islam with terrorism and Malays. The association between Islam and terrorism require few explanation as this is understood by most thanks to the media. The association between Islam and Malay, for readers who aren't Malaysian, may be a little mind boggling. Here's a brief explanation:
Malaysia is a multiracial country consisting of Malays, Chinese, Indians and the local people here, whom we call Bumiputra (mostly in the state of Sabah and Sarawak). I am a Chinese from Sarawak. Although we do portray a picture of harmony and peace to those looking towards Malaysia, we are indeed still plagued by racism, most times it is subtle but at times it can be out-right plain. We are officially an Islamic country, as the people governing our country are Muslims, namely the Malays as they are the majority. While we call ourselves Malaysians, we do not have equal rights among the different races that make Malaysia so colourful and unique. The Malays have their own 'special rights' and the rest of us cannot question those rights for if we do, we will be charged with inciting racism or worse, a threat against national security. We have found our homes in Malaysia, and despite the poorly veiled racist government and mind-set, we have found ways of adaptation and mostly choose to ignore the issue unless provoked. Hence, the portrayal of peace and harmony most foreigners see. However, this racism issue has planted a seed of discontent to most things Malay in the mindset of other races, including the religion associated with them. So, when most non-Muslims think about Islam, unfortunately, they associate it with the Malays and all goes down hill from there.
My parents are no different. Though both have much exposure with Malay colleagues, it does not change the situation, for when it comes to promotion, elections, etc, racism is felt throughout. Even I struggle with that difficulty. Most of the people I associate with while studying abroad and have gotten very close to are Malays. I am mature enough to know that not everyone can be stereotyped or grouped into the general. Hence, I didn't care much about the race of my friends, so long as they are good individuals, and I am proud to say, they are. And I am even more proud to say that they are good individuals BECAUSE of their belief in their religion. But unfortunately, I cannot say the same for the rest of the Malays in my country.
Back to my point, I, as my parents have a certain level of displeasure with the rights given to Malays and this has shaped our mindset. So, my parents, like myself associate Islam with Malays. But, unlike my parents, I was given the privilege to learn about Islam and not just stop there with the Islam-Malay mentality. Islam is perfect, just Muslims are not.
The same thing applies to the Islam-terrorism mentality. Islam is associated with terrorism/terrorist acts which translates to Islam being a bad and evil religion. Islam in my country is associated with Malay racism which translates to Islam being a bad and unjust religion. This is where my parents and most of my parents generation are coming from.
So, I face difficulties and opposition from my parents, aunts and uncles. So, for those facing the same problems as I do with family members, this particular post goes out to you all.
Islam teaches us to respect our parents, as stated in the Quran:
"and the Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in term of honour" - 17:23
"and lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: 'My Lord! Bestow on them Your mercy as they did bring me up when I was small" - 17:24
"and We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years, give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination" - 31:14
"but if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do" - 31:15
These are a few examples of what the Quran says about parents in Islam.
So, we should always show respect to them, treat them with honour, kindness and gentleness for they have brought us into this world and raised us up. Our mothers went through the pain of childbirth and then nursed us, showed us a mother's love and compassion. Our fathers have worked hard to provide for the family, provided us with a comfortable life the best they could, and given us an education that was not possible for themselves. The sacrifices our parents have made are uncountable and immeasurable and above all else, a debt that cannot be paid full.In an ideal world, your parents will support you in everything you do even if they do not necessarily agree with you. But unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with such ideal conditions. Some have been disowned by their parents for choosing Islam, if not worse. My situation is not as dire. I know my parents still love me without a doubt, and they would not disown me, but my mother is on a determined path to bring me back to the Catholic faith. I am not angry nor do I love her less because of it because I understand her reaction and because Islam teaches me to be a good daughter towards them.
So, the painful choice I have to make is that I have to pray in secret (though I'm sure they'll figure it out) and of course, I cannot wear the hijab or fully cover my aurat. I shall eat whatever my mother has placed on the table as not to offend her and obey her. If and when she orders me to attend mass, I will. I will talk to priests and do anything she asks of me except one, that is to worship another God besides Allah.
Duty to your parents comes right after the greatest duty in Islam, the solah as demonstrated in these hadith:
A companion of the Prophet once asked him which of the many good deeds a man can do is the most lived by Allah. Prophet Muhammad answered him by saying, "To offer the prayer in its proper time". The companion then asked, "And what is next?" to which Prophet Muhammad replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." The companion then asked, "Then what?" and Prophet Muhammad replied, "The jihad in the Way of Allah."
Anas ibn Malik: A man came to the Messenger of Allah and said: "I longed to go on jihad but I was not able to." He said, "Is either one of your parents still alive?" The man said, "My mother." He said, "Allah has instructed us in devotion to her, so if you do thus, you are as one who has made the hajj, the umrah and participated in jihad."
One person carried his mother on his shoulders and performed Hajj seven times. During the 7th Hajj he though that maybe he have fulfilled his duty and fulfilled the right of his mother. That night when he slept, he had a dream and saw that he was a baby and was sleeping. It was winter and he was sleeping close to his mother. He soiled the bed and saw that his mother got up and cleaned the bed of the impurities. Due to poverty, that was the bed only thing that they had to sleep on. He saw that on this cold night, his mother slept on the wet part of the bed and laid him down on her chest. He heard a voice saying,"Fulfilled your rights? You have not fulfilled the rights of this one night yet."
One person came to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and said, "Whilst travelling these was a place where the ground was so hot that if you placed a piece of meat on the ground, it could be cooked. I carried my mother on my shoulders for six miles over such ground. Have I fulfilled the rights of my mother?" Prophet Muhammand (PBUH) replied, "The pangs of pain that your mother went through when she was giving birth to you, maybe you have repaid the debt for once of those pangs."I will do what I have to do in order to soften my parents' hearts, to show them that although I have chosen a different belief for myself, I have not denied them as my parents.
I understand when my sister pointed out that my mother might feel as though she has failed at being a mother, as her youngest daughter has chosen a different faith. In terms of the Catholic faith, it would seem she has failed in her promise to raise her children well in the Catholic faith, but she has two children devoted to the Catholic faith, and she has three children all pursuing respectable jobs; one has already completed her PhD, another has completed his masters degree, and the last has finally graduated from medical school. All her children are doing well, and all because of her and our father.
Parents always feel like they have made a mistake somewhere when their children make a decision they think is 'wrong'. Sometimes, things just happens because they were meant to happen.
It would take time for her to realise that she has failed no one, even Jesus Christ whom we all believe. Christianity does not force its religion onto others. So, in this aspect, she has not failed. I was taught well in the Catholic faith, nothing was lacking in this part of my education, but I just could not understand the fundamental basis of Christianity; the trinity, not due to lack of explanation; it just didn't sit well with me.
So, while I have a mandatory 2 years of government service in order to attain my medical licence, I have done as she asked; that is to apply for work close to home (I suspect it is so she can keep a close eye on me and keep me away from the influence of my Muslim friends... hehehe). What I can avoid, I will avoid when I can, what I cannot, I will try my best. Outwardly, I would not be a Muslim, but inwardly and in the privacy of my room, my shahadah will still hold firm.
Some will probably say I am a bad Muslim, that I do not practice the religion I claim I believe. Be that as it may, Allah is the one who will judge me and only Allah and I know what I believe in my heart.
Some say that I should stand my ground, be Muslim outwardly all the way, regardless, but this in my opinion will do more harm than good. The purpose of this test is not to aggravate the situation and push my family further away. The way I see it, the purpose is to win over the hearts of my parents and not bully them into submission. Kind and gentle ways are more effective than aggression or brash actions.
But life does move on, and I do realise that I cannot just postpone my life till my parents accept my new faith. So, I have given myself a time-limit. For the duration of my housemanship (inshaAllah it will be 2 years and not extended longer), I will be the obedient daughter. After that duration of time, then I will have to take matters into my own hands. My life is my own to make, and I have my own plans for life. So, I will finally insist on living life my own way, whether they accept it or not, but of course I will still be a daughter to them. I will still be as Islam requires me to be with my parents; kind and gentle and a good daughter, but also one firm in her decision in life.
Whatever happens, at least I can say that I've tried to convince them for 2 years. It is their decision to accept or oppose my decision, and that is something I cannot force.
We, as Muslims can always preach Islam and plant the seed, but it is only Allah who can move the heart for the seed to grow.
So, for those in the same boat as I am, all we can do is try our best to help our parents understand Islam, show them kindness, gentleness and treat them with honour, pray, and leave everything to Allah. Everything is already written out... as we have to believe in the 6th pillar of iman; belief in al-Qadar (divine predestination), which is the hardest of the 6 pillars of Iman.
p/s: belief in al-Qadar includes 4 things:
1) Allah knows everything. He knows what has happened and what will happen
2) Allah has recorded all that has happened and all that will happen
3) whatever Allah wills to happen happens, and whatever He wills not to happen does not happen
4) Allah is the Creator of everything
The 6 pillars of Iman are:
1) Belief in Allah
2) Belief in the Angels
3) Belief in the Holy Books (Taurat, Injil, Zaboor, Quran; only the Quran is authentic)
4) Belief in the Prophets
5) Belief in Judgement Day
6) Belief in al-Qadar
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Tasbih ala khayr!!!!
